Lousy month is capped off

I know I haven't blogged in a while. My life has been hectic, crappy, and capped off with a lousy second opinion. Fisrt off, I hate my new store. I wish I had never left the old one. Big whoop that I'm a manager, I don't particularly like the staff, I hate the actual store, and I am just not happy. I have been depressed and moody since I started there. Good news is that I have a job interview today that just may get me out of there. I am not saying much about it because God forbid I jinx it.

Then to top off everything, I had a second opinion today for my ankle. Two guesses as to what he said. If you read what kin do f month I'm having, you'll only need one guess. That's right, he suggests that I have a third surgery. OMFG!!!!! I don't know what I am going to do. There is good news though, one there is no rush, which means I can put it off until winter. Secondly, it won't get worse, meaning if I choose to wait a while to have it, my recovery won't be any longer. Having said that, he also said that I should have it within the next year. SHIT! Let me repeat that. SHIT!!!!

What do you think I should do? Have the surgery now and get it over with? Wait until winter when there isn't anything else to do? Wait a few years? Or Never have it?

The King of POP!

I am deeply saddened by the death of Michael Jackson. He was such a big part of my youth. I remember in 1982 when I was in 8th grade, I bought "Thriller". I still to this day have never heard a better record. I loved "Beat it". I used to have a top 10 countdown I performed in my room every week (I know, don't say it). Anyway, Beat it was #1 for 10 weeks. Then the Thriller video came out and my life changed forever. That was simply the most remarkable bideo ever made. I believe I heard it was made for $1 million which was quite a large amount back then.

I miss you Michael. I am not going to focus on your troubles in my memories of you. I am remembering you as
The King of POP!" The man who gave us "Thriller" and "Bad", all the remarkable music videos, and the entertainer who brought me countless hours of joy during my life. My one regret is that I never got ot see Michael perform live. I hope you are in a better place. Rest in Peace!

Relieved.... for now.

I cancelled my surgery for Thursday. I feel relieved, but still have some reservations about it. I visited Dr. B yesterday who was no help at all. He pretty much blew me off (and not in a good way... hehe). He didn't listen to anything that I had to say, why I am nervous about this surgery, and he wouldn't even discuss alternatives. I feel as though I am being pushed into it. Now I know I am going to have to do something about it eventually. It does hurt. But the pain is manageable.

Several of my wonderful friends, who have all been very supportive (thank you), have suggested that I try alternatives. I think I may go to an accupunturist. It cant hurt. My mom suggests that I get a second opinion. I am going to do that as well. I may end up having to do the same surgery at a later date. I just don't feel right doing it now. I'm not sure why, but that's how I feel. As my good friend Donna told me "go with your gut, it is never wrong". That's what I did.

I'm just not sure about this whole thing.

I am having major second thoughts about my upcoming surgery. I have called Dr. B. to see if I can get in to speak with him today. I don't think I can go through with it. The recovery just plain sucks. I have already given up 18 months of my life for the prior two surgeries, not to mention the 5 years I have dealing with this. I think I can live with the pain. I don't want to go through another 9 weeks in a cast, 6 weeks in a boot cast and 3 months of rehab. Plus the financial implications are rough this time. I have no insurance, the bills don't pay themselves while I'm off, and I really feel like I could go off the deep end emotionally this time. I haven't slept the past 3 nights, I feel sick to my stomach, I threw up last night, and I have constant anxiety. I think my body is telling me something. I hope we can come up with another solution. Anything to keep from going under the knife again.

Hit me baby one more time

One last time is more like it. On Thursday, I will go under the knife for a third (and final????) ankle surgery. Needless to say i am not looking forward to it. I know what to expect and it's not pleasant. The surgery itself is OK, I'll be asleep. No worries there. It's the next 6 months that suck.

The first week after surgery is not so bad. I am extremely drugged up and basically sleep the week away, which is good since I have a bandage wrap on. The cast doesn't come until 10 days after surgery so that swelling goes down. Once the cast is on is when the fun begins. I basically sit on my ass ,(which expands during the process by the way, I gained 25lbs last go around), watch tv, movies, or play on the net. I am still drugged somewhat, so I can't concentrate on reading yet. I actually get bored watching the View and Days of our Lives, can you imagine? I do have a Wii and Playstation 2, so maybe those will help a bit.

I'll probably have my cast on 9 weeks. Then starts the fun of rehab. Now don't get me wrong, I love my physical therapist, Tara. She is awesome and makes it fun. However, the home exercises suck. I'll also go back to work by then so I have to manage the pain of PT with working.

Oh I am not looking forward to this. Plus I get a third summer that I wont get to go swimming, enjoy festivals and fairs, and basically am inside the whole time. At least I have Tim to take care of me, which he does well. He even puts up with my whining (I know, hard to believe that I whine). Baxter will provide some much needed company as well. This surgery I also have our roomie and BFF Renee to help out. Thank God. Someone needs to clean the house. I'll post periodically to update you on my progress, and to bitch and moan a bit.

Baxter, Me, and the Cavs.

Quite alot has happened since I last blogged which is why it has been a while. First, as many of you know, my baby Baxter had ACL surgery. He's doing well. He's even using his leg which is very good since he only had the surgery 2 and half weeks ago. We have had a bit of trouble though. He tore open his staples which had to be restitched. Then when his staples where officially taken out and he no longer had to wear his cone, he chewed open a small part of his wound thus forcing him to get 5 more staples put in and he now has to wear his lovely cone whenever we can't watch him. But at least he's doing well and will recover fully.

I am not anxiously awaiting my surgery on June 11. I am actually starting to panic a bit. I know the surgery will go ok. I'm not worried about that. I am, hoever, worried about the recovery. It is long and grueling. I have been through it twice before and am not looking forward to it. Sure I get to stay home and wtahc TV, blog, and facebook. But that is all I can do. It is boring and I'll probably get depressed. I am hoping this is my last surgery and it will work this time. Who knows?

On a much lighter note, but almost as important. The Cleveland Cavaliers are blowing it in the NBA playoffs. I predict they will win game 6 tonight, but alas, they are from Cleveland and will lose game 7 thus adding another chapter in the long history of losing Cleveland sports. We need to come up with a name for it. The Browns had "the Drive" (86), "the Fumble" (87), and "Red Right 88" (81) in their storied past. My beloved Indians (who are actually starting to win finally) had "the Meltdown" (97) and "the Comeback" (07), and the Cavs had "the Shot" (90). Now we are on the verge of "The Debacle". As they say, There's always next year.

One final note, is it wrong for me to have a crush on Orlando Magic player Hedo Turkoglu? Cause I so do. No I'm not a traitor, just gay and horny. Go Cavs!

Fab U Lous!!!!

Britney is definitley back!! The show was fantastic. From start to finish, non-stop dance music. She started with "Circus", did a bunch of songs from her last 2 CD's. She threw in "Me against the Music", I'm a Slave 4 U" and "Baby, one more time". She ended with "Womanizer". OMG! Tim and I agree that is is right up there with Madonna's "Confession Tour" and Cher's "Farewell Tour". It could have been the best show had Miss Britney sang more of her hits. It was still incredible, lipsyncing and all. The Pussycat Dolls were awesome as well. They did "Don't Cha" and "When I grow up", even a version of "Jai Ho" from Slumdog MIllionaire. Those bitches can dance their asses off. The show is a gay man's wet dream! It was Fabulous.

Life, Britney, and whatnot

Things are starting to calm down thankfully. I have come to grips with my impending surgery. Worked out all the financial details. Set the date. And I'm am mentally preparing for it. Also I think we will be able to have Baxter's ACL surgery shortly after mine. That way someone is always home with him and he won't have to be crated, which we do not want. The poor baby will be going though enough without that added stress. Plus we can recover together.

Now It's just the waiting. June 11 isn't that far off I know, but it's still long ebough for me to have to have doubts and anxiety. Then again, what's new about that.

On the brighter side, I am seeing Britney Spears tomorrow. Yay!!! I want her to say "Thank You Cow-lum-bus, was my pussy showing yy'all?!" That would be spectacular! OMG, speaking of pussy, the Pussycat Dolls open for her. That is one GAY concert. All I have to say is "Hit me baby one more time, y'all!"

Goodbye to another Girl: Bea Arthur.

'Golden Girls' star Bea Arthur dies at the age 86

Updated: Sat Apr. 25 2009 13:46:13

The Associated Press

LOS ANGELES — Beatrice Arthur, the tall, deep-voiced actress whose razor-sharp delivery of comedy lines made her a TV star in the hit shows "Maude" and "The Golden Girls" and who won a Tony Award for the musical "Mame," died Saturday. She was 86.

Arthur died peacefully at her Los Angeles home with her family at her side, family spokesman Dan Watt said. She had cancer, Watt said, declining to give further details.

"She was a brilliant and witty woman," said Watt, who was Arthur's personal assistant for six years. "Bea will always have a special place in my heart."

Arthur first appeared in the landmark comedy series "All in the Family" as Edith Bunker's loudly outspoken, liberal cousin, Maude Finley. She proved a perfect foil for blue-collar bigot Archie Bunker (Carroll O'Connor), and their blistering exchanges were so entertaining that producer Norman Lear fashioned Arthur's own series.

In a 2008 interview with The Associated Press, Arthur said she was lucky to be discovered by TV after a long stage career, recalling with bemusement CBS executives asking about the new "girl."

"I was already 50 years old. I had done so much off-Broadway, on Broadway, but they said, `Who is that girl? Let's give her her own series,"' Arthur said.

"Maude" scored with television viewers immediately on its CBS debut in September 1972, and Arthur won an Emmy Award for the role in 1977.

The comedy flowed from Maude's efforts to cast off the traditional restraints that women faced, but the series often had a serious base. Her TV husband Walter (Bill Macy) became an alcoholic, and she underwent an abortion, which drew a torrent of viewer protests. Maude became a standard bearer for the growing feminist movement in America.

The ratings of "Maude" in the early years approached those of its parent, "All in the Family," but by 1977 the audience started to dwindle. A major format change was planned, but in early 1978 Arthur announced she was quitting the show.

"It's been absolutely glorious; I've loved every minute of it," she said. "But it's been six years, and I think it's time to leave."

"Golden Girls" (1985-1992) was another groundbreaking comedy, finding surprising success in a television market increasingly skewed toward a younger, product-buying audience.

The series concerned three retirees -- Arthur, Betty White and Rue McClanahan -- and the mother of Arthur's character, Estelle Getty, who lived together in a Miami apartment. In contrast to the violent "Miami Vice," the comedy was nicknamed "Miami Nice."

As Dorothy Zbornak, Arthur seemed as caustic and domineering as Maude. She was unconcerned about the similarity of the two roles. "Look -- I'm 5-feet-9, I have a deep voice and I have a way with a line," she told an interviewer. "What can I do about it? I can't stay home waiting for something different. I think it's a total waste of energy worrying about typecasting."

The interplay among the four women and their relations with men fuelled the comedy, and the show amassed a big audience and 10 Emmys, including two as best comedy series and individual awards for each of the stars.

In 1992, Arthur announced she was leaving "Golden Girls." The three other stars returned in "The Golden Palace," but it lasted only one season.

Arthur was born Bernice Frankel in New York City in 1922. When she was 11, her family moved to Cambridge, Md., where her father opened a clothing store. At 12 she had grown to full height, and she dreamed of being a petite blond movie star like June Allyson. There was one advantage of being tall and deep-voiced: She was chosen for the male roles in school plays.

Bernice -- she hated the name and adopted her mother's nickname of Bea -- overcame shyness about her size by winning over her classmates with wisecracks. She was elected the wittiest girl in her class. After two years at a junior college in Virginia, she earned a degree as a medical lab technician, but she "loathed" doing lab work at a hospital.

Acting held more appeal, and she enrolled in a drama course at the New School of Social Research in New York City. To support herself, she sang in a night spot that required her to push drinks on customers.

During this time she had a brief marriage that provided her stage name of Beatrice Arthur. In 1950, she married again, to Broadway actor and future Tony-winning director Gene Saks. They divorces in 1978.

After a few years in off-Broadway and stock company plays and television dramas, Arthur's career gathered momentum with her role as Lucy Brown in the 1955 production of "The Threepenny Opera."

In 2008, when Arthur was inducted in the TV Academy Hall of Fame, she pointed to the role as the highlight of her long career. "A lot of that had to do with the fact that I felt, `Ah, yes, I belong here,"' Arthur said.

More plays and musicals followed, and she also sang in nightclubs and played small roles in TV comedy shows.

Then, in 1964, Harold Prince cast her as Yente the Matchmaker in the original company of "Fiddler on the Roof."

Arthur's biggest Broadway triumph came in 1966 as Vera Charles, Angela Lansbury's acerbic friend in the musical "Mame," directed by Saks. Richard Watts of the New York Post called her performance "a portrait in acid of a savagely witty, cynical and serpent-tongued woman."

She won the Tony as best supporting actress and repeated the role in the unsuccessful film version that also was directed by Saks, starring Lucille Ball as Mame. Arthur would play a variation of Vera Charles in "Maude" and "The Golden Girls."

In 1983, Arthur attempted another series, "Amanda's," an Americanized version of John Cleese's hilarious "Fawlty Towers." She was cast as owner of a small seaside hotel with a staff of eccentrics. It lasted a mere nine episodes.

Between series, Arthur remained active in films and theatre. Among the movies: "That Kind of Woman" (1959), "Lovers and Other Strangers" (1970), Mel Brooks' "The History of the World: Part I" (1981), "For Better or Worse" (1995).

The plays included Woody Allen's "The Floating Light Bulb" and "The Bermuda Avenue Triangle," written by and co-starring Renee Taylor and Joseph Bologna. During 2001 and 2002 she toured the U.S. in a one-woman show of songs and stories, "... And Then There's Bea."

In 1999, Arthur told an interviewer of the three influences in her career: "Sid Caesar taught me the outrageous; (method acting guru) Lee Strasberg taught me what I call reality; and ("Threepenny Opera" star) Lotte Lenya, whom I adored, taught me economy."

In recent years, Arthur made guest appearances on shows including "Curb Your Enthusiasm" and "Malcolm in the Middle." She was chairwoman of the Art Attack Foundation, a non-profit performing arts scholarship organization.

Bummer!!

I feeled bummed today. I now know when my surgery will be. It's Thursday June 11. I seriously hope this one works. I am not feelinf very positive about it though if I am honest. The first surgery there was an 80% success rate. The second one was even higher at 90%. This one technically shouldn't even be happening. Dr. B bascially told me that this one is it. There isn't much else that can be done. I agree with that. Short of an total ankle replacement, what else is there. I also know that I will have major arthritis in the coming months and years. Sometimes that can be just as painful as what I'm experiencing now.

I don't want to focus on the negative, but it's hard not to. 3 months in a cast which means basically being bored outta my mind. I guess I'll be able to catch up on my reading, watch movies all day, and sleep a ton. I can also start watching "Days of our Lives" again. I'm sure not much has changed since I watched it faithfully 2 years ago. Not to mention, I'll get to watch every game of my Cleveland Indians. Mmmmm my Ryan Garko(licious). I'll also constantly be on facebook and blogging more. I also get these really great drugs. So I guess there are some positives. One major bummer is no alchohol. It doesn't mix well with Vicodin. Oh well. At least I know when it's happening so I can prepare myself.

6 months ago.....

It was 6 months today that we lost Weber. I still miss him everyday. Baxter, luckily, is showing alot of the same quirks that Weber had. So he makes it alot easier for both of us to both remember and move on. I know he is watching us all the time. Which helps as well. I know I'll eventually stop grieving him, I just don't know when that will be. So hang in there with me.

Now as for Baxter. I was asked why he needs surgery. His ACL needs replaced. He hurt it about a year ago. It went away for a while. But now it's back. He's limping, holds his leg up. He doesn't seem to be in pain which is good, but he does need the surgery (just like his daddy). We are saving the $2500 needed. Since I'm going to off most of the summer, we have decided to get it done sooner rather than later. We can recover at the same time. My poor baby.

Now on to me. I have decided to go ahead with the surgery. the tentative date is June 4. I really don't want to, but I honestly have to. I am still in alot of pain and the hardware in my ankle is starting to come loose, which means it is being rejected by my body. Paying for it is another story. I am currently trying to get short-term medcaid. I have heard it's hard to get, but it never hurts trying. I am also working with the Doctors office for payment arangements. The one bright spot is that I don't have to have it at Grant Hospital. I am having it done at the new surgical center located at the doctor's new medical building. So it's cheaper thankfully.

So in case you don't know, We are postponing our commitment ceremony til next year, I am not feeling up to it now. Plus we can't afford the cost right now. We'll try and have a summer party later when I'm feeling more up to it. Oh and Lothian, I'm so sorry but NKOTB is out for me as well (damn). I wanted to see my new BFF Joey. Oh well. It's sucks being old and crippled!!!

3rd time better be a charm

I found out today that I need to have another ankle surgery. I guess I look at this news two ways. The good news, I'll finally be out of pain...if it works. I have been in so much pain over the past 4 years that I am willing to try this again. The bad news, another 6 months out of life spent recovering. I hate thinking about all that I'll have to give for the first 3 months after surgery. Sitting down to take a shower, walking on crutches, not being able to drive. There are good parts as well. I get caught up on all my movies and tv. I spend time with Baxter. Friends will visiting me more often. I guess we will have to cancel our ceremony. But we can have it later.

I wish I could say that I'm optimistic that this one will work. I am already in that 5% of patients whose first 2 surgeries didn't work. Dr. B told me today that I have 80% chance that this will work. OOOOOOoooooo. I am just so frustrated. I almost want to forget the whole thing and live with it. Baxter also need surgery, so I need to take his needs in consideration as well. I'll update you later. Tim and I need to talk about it now.

New Kids on the Block

Hangin Tough - New Kids On The Block

10 years!!

Today is our 10 year anniversary. I can hardly believe it's been that long. I knew it was serious after our first date when Tim sent a dozen roses to me at work. I often joke that I haven't been able to get rid of him since. But in all honesty, I would be lost without him. I love you honey!!!

We don't have any major plans today. We are going out to eat at a mexican restaurant. Our first date at a now defunct mexican joint, so it's only fitting that we eat burritos and have a few margaritas. Our big celebration is that we are having a commitment ceremony on June 27. It will be at our place. Lots of food, drinks, and our family and freinds. Baxter is our best man. And Leeanne is officiating. Should be fun. Oh we'll have another wedding whenever it becomes recognized nationally, but until then, we can at least express our love to each other, god, and whomever is attending. Should be fun!!!

Never Gonna Give you up

This is dedicated to my Tim. Thursday is our 10 year anniversary. I love you!

We're no strangers to love
You know the rules and so do I
A full commitment's what I'm thinking of
You wouldn't get this from any other guy

I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling
Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

We've know each other for so long
Your heart's been aching
But you're too shy to say it
Inside we both know what's been going on
We know the game and we're gonna play it
[ Find more Lyrics on www.mp3lyrics.org/ak5 ]

And if you ask me how I'm feeling
Don't tell me you're too blind to see

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Repeat Chorus

Give you up, give you up
Give you up, give you up
Never gonna give,
Never gonna give, give you up
Never gonna give,
Never gonna give, give you up

Last four lines repeated

I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling
Gotta make you understand

Chorus times three
Lyrics: Never Gonna Give you up, Rick Astley

Never Gonna Give You Up - Rick Astley

Congratulations Tamra and Brian!

Tamra and Brian makes it official. I am so happy for them. What a party the reception will be.... Wings and Red, White, and Blue beer for everyone. Woohoo!!! Seriously, Congrats! I love you guys.

A long stressful "day off"

I have a JOB INTERVIEW today. It's only a pt job, but it's something to get my foot in the door so to speak. It's for a office assistant with a marketing company. The hours are 9-2:30 m-f and the pay is good. Plus I can still keep the P and get 30 hours there. While I won't have much free time, at least I'll be making a move in the right direction. However I don't have the position yet, but I'm hopeful.

Plus I have to go to the BMV and renew my plates today. I hate doing that. $55 for a sticker to stick on my car. Sucks!! To top off my stressful day, I get to come home after all the running around and bag Wednesday papers. That really sucks. Those are why I am going to do everything I can to get another job. I hate doing those f'n papers. I can't wait til I can come home and know I don't have to do them any longer. Plus Tim is so stressed out over them. He doesn't see it, but he is. They just aren't worth all the shit we go through each week bagging and delivering them. They are reducing our carrier pay as well to add to it. Wish me luck on my interview so we don't have to do them any longer.

Go Your Own Way - Fleetwood Mac

Loving you
Isnt the right thing to do
How can I ever change things
That I feel

If I could
Maybe Id give you my world
How can i
When you wont take it from me

You can go your own way
Go your own way
You an call it
Another lonely day
You can go your own way
Go your own way

Tell me why
Everything turned around
Packing up
Shacking up is all you wanna do

If I could
Baby Id give you my world
Open up
Everythings waiting for you

You can go your own way
Go your own way
You an call it
Another lonely day
You can go your own way
Go your own way

Written by Lindsey Buckingham

Go Your Own Way - Fleetwood Mac

I've been Good

So it's been a few weeks since I've blogged. I am not going well on that resolution. I need to try to blog more regularly. I am doing better since my last post. My back is good. It does still hurt, but I'm not in severe pain. It's more like a dull ache now. Not bad. I guess I'll have it the rest of my life. I could just bend over or stoop down and my back will go out. Sucks huh?

I've decided to make my own take from my favorite blogger, Miss Lothian, and post the words and music of Old School songs. Some may have special meaning, others will just be fun songs. I'm gonna start right after this blog. If you have any suggestions, send them to me. I promise it won't all be Madonna or Cher. Also later this week, I'm doing Hottie of the week. I think I can find the time to surf the net for pics. I know it'll be a HARDship on my part. I'll give you a sneak peak now. Enjoy! I know I am!!!!

Ruptured Disc

Here we go again! I spent the better part of my day off yesterday at St. Ann's ER. Why you ask? Well, I hurt my back. A few weeks ago after the ice storm came, I had to deliver my papers (who cares about a little ice is the response I got when I asked for extra time, but that's another story). Anyway, I fell flat on my butt and twisted my ankle. Naturally my worry was about my ankle, not my back. I nursed it for a few days, the swelling went down and I am back to normal. Then 2 days ago, I was using Wii Fit. I don't know what or when it happend, but shortly after I finished using it, I had back pain on my lower left side. It progressively got worse thoughout the night. I even slept on the couch, hopeing for some relief. Well when I got up yesterday, I could hardly move. Bending over was out of the question. Even pulling up my jeans and tying my shoes was next to impossible without horrific pain.

So my trip to the Er was nothing spectacular. I got right in. Did a variety of tests. The Dr. told me almost 6 hours later that I have a ruptured disc. It can take 9 to 12 weeks to get over it! That's right, 9 to 12 WEEKS! FUCK!!!!!! He also said that I will need physical therapy to alleviate the symptoms. Um... I have no insurance. That's not going to be possible. I have more good news as if everything else wasn't enough, 50% of all people to get a ruptured disc, have symptoms for the rest of their lives. Great! 10% actually have to have back surgery to repair it. Now we all know what sort of luck I have. I have no doubt I be scheduling surgery in the near future. FUCK!!!!

Thankfully, I am on some incredible drugs, got to take the day off work, and won't be able to deliver the papers this weekend. Bonus! At least the drugs are working. I still hurt, but at least it's a bit more bareable. Seriously though, I hate this. Maybe I'll just put myself in a home, play euchre, knit a scarf, and wear Depends. My roommate will be Sophia Petrillo. Now that would be sweet!