The King of POP!

I am deeply saddened by the death of Michael Jackson. He was such a big part of my youth. I remember in 1982 when I was in 8th grade, I bought "Thriller". I still to this day have never heard a better record. I loved "Beat it". I used to have a top 10 countdown I performed in my room every week (I know, don't say it). Anyway, Beat it was #1 for 10 weeks. Then the Thriller video came out and my life changed forever. That was simply the most remarkable bideo ever made. I believe I heard it was made for $1 million which was quite a large amount back then.

I miss you Michael. I am not going to focus on your troubles in my memories of you. I am remembering you as
The King of POP!" The man who gave us "Thriller" and "Bad", all the remarkable music videos, and the entertainer who brought me countless hours of joy during my life. My one regret is that I never got ot see Michael perform live. I hope you are in a better place. Rest in Peace!

Relieved.... for now.

I cancelled my surgery for Thursday. I feel relieved, but still have some reservations about it. I visited Dr. B yesterday who was no help at all. He pretty much blew me off (and not in a good way... hehe). He didn't listen to anything that I had to say, why I am nervous about this surgery, and he wouldn't even discuss alternatives. I feel as though I am being pushed into it. Now I know I am going to have to do something about it eventually. It does hurt. But the pain is manageable.

Several of my wonderful friends, who have all been very supportive (thank you), have suggested that I try alternatives. I think I may go to an accupunturist. It cant hurt. My mom suggests that I get a second opinion. I am going to do that as well. I may end up having to do the same surgery at a later date. I just don't feel right doing it now. I'm not sure why, but that's how I feel. As my good friend Donna told me "go with your gut, it is never wrong". That's what I did.

I'm just not sure about this whole thing.

I am having major second thoughts about my upcoming surgery. I have called Dr. B. to see if I can get in to speak with him today. I don't think I can go through with it. The recovery just plain sucks. I have already given up 18 months of my life for the prior two surgeries, not to mention the 5 years I have dealing with this. I think I can live with the pain. I don't want to go through another 9 weeks in a cast, 6 weeks in a boot cast and 3 months of rehab. Plus the financial implications are rough this time. I have no insurance, the bills don't pay themselves while I'm off, and I really feel like I could go off the deep end emotionally this time. I haven't slept the past 3 nights, I feel sick to my stomach, I threw up last night, and I have constant anxiety. I think my body is telling me something. I hope we can come up with another solution. Anything to keep from going under the knife again.

Hit me baby one more time

One last time is more like it. On Thursday, I will go under the knife for a third (and final????) ankle surgery. Needless to say i am not looking forward to it. I know what to expect and it's not pleasant. The surgery itself is OK, I'll be asleep. No worries there. It's the next 6 months that suck.

The first week after surgery is not so bad. I am extremely drugged up and basically sleep the week away, which is good since I have a bandage wrap on. The cast doesn't come until 10 days after surgery so that swelling goes down. Once the cast is on is when the fun begins. I basically sit on my ass ,(which expands during the process by the way, I gained 25lbs last go around), watch tv, movies, or play on the net. I am still drugged somewhat, so I can't concentrate on reading yet. I actually get bored watching the View and Days of our Lives, can you imagine? I do have a Wii and Playstation 2, so maybe those will help a bit.

I'll probably have my cast on 9 weeks. Then starts the fun of rehab. Now don't get me wrong, I love my physical therapist, Tara. She is awesome and makes it fun. However, the home exercises suck. I'll also go back to work by then so I have to manage the pain of PT with working.

Oh I am not looking forward to this. Plus I get a third summer that I wont get to go swimming, enjoy festivals and fairs, and basically am inside the whole time. At least I have Tim to take care of me, which he does well. He even puts up with my whining (I know, hard to believe that I whine). Baxter will provide some much needed company as well. This surgery I also have our roomie and BFF Renee to help out. Thank God. Someone needs to clean the house. I'll post periodically to update you on my progress, and to bitch and moan a bit.