I'm just not sure about this whole thing.

I am having major second thoughts about my upcoming surgery. I have called Dr. B. to see if I can get in to speak with him today. I don't think I can go through with it. The recovery just plain sucks. I have already given up 18 months of my life for the prior two surgeries, not to mention the 5 years I have dealing with this. I think I can live with the pain. I don't want to go through another 9 weeks in a cast, 6 weeks in a boot cast and 3 months of rehab. Plus the financial implications are rough this time. I have no insurance, the bills don't pay themselves while I'm off, and I really feel like I could go off the deep end emotionally this time. I haven't slept the past 3 nights, I feel sick to my stomach, I threw up last night, and I have constant anxiety. I think my body is telling me something. I hope we can come up with another solution. Anything to keep from going under the knife again.