Things you wish you could say at work

Thanks to the Wilmington Gang for this.... I'm sure you've said a few of these in your day (being that your old and all). This is also dedicated to my dear Lothian, use any of these as you wish.

- I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.

- I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

- How about never? Is never good for you?

- I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

- I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.

- I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

- I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

- It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

-I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.

-I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

- Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

- Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

- What am I? Flypaper for freaks!

- I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

- And your crybaby, whiny-butt opinion would be...?

- Do I look like a people person?

- This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

- Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

- Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

- I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

- Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?

- Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

I don't think we're in Kansas anymore!!

Tornado, Smormado. Columbus had tornado sirens blaring all Monday night. I was at work, where I am surely going to die anyway so why not make it exciting... death by twister (not the game morons). Anyway, we actually were allowed to close the store for an hour. Sweet.

Between me hyperventilating that death was eminent and watching the parking lot empty out (According to Lothian's post, apparently they were heading to B&N). I was dreaming of being Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz (did I mention I am GAY?). Anyway, I had on the ruby slippers and the pretty blue dress, holding Slocombe (my cat) in the basket, when all the sudden, Miss Lothian comes flying by on her state of the art broom. "You best get on bitch if you want to live" she cackles.

I get on her broom and we wisk off to a far away land, I think it was somewhere between Columbus and Cleveland but I can't be sure. We land in a big Beautiful mansion and see the fabulous Queen of Oz (played by Madonna, naturally). The evil Lothian zaps her wand at the enchanted Queen, but low and behold, with a flick of the wrist, Lothian melts as the Queen bitch slaps her into oblivion. Poor Lothian. We start singing 'Ding Dong the Witch is Dead', followed by a hearty chorus of 'Like A Virgin'. Then I click my heels three times and say... "I don't want to go back to work, I don't to go back to work, I don't want to go back to work."

Suddenly the sirens stop and I'm back in Columbus, getting ready to re-open the store. Lothian obviously put some sort of curse of me, because I ended up back at this shit hole. No more ruby slippers, no more Madonna, no more Lothian... Then I thought, Hah, Lothian's spell backfired, she's still at B&N, a fate worse than death. I always knew my Queen would get her revenge for all of Lothians bashing. Hah, hahahah, hahahahahhahahhaha. I think I will Vogue now.....

My New Boyfriends List

It's back by popular demand... Ok it's back because I'm bored and decided to look up hot beefcake pics and really have nowhere to post them other than here.... So here are my current 15 celebrity boyfriends.

PS. I know Johnny Depp and Colin Farrel aren't on the list... It's my dream list not yours.

15. Chris Kanyon - Openly Gay Professional Wrestler. He's not who I am typically attracted to, but after hearing an interview with him and checking out his pics, he made the list. Plus look at his chest.... that's some good lickin'

14. Chris Evans - Johnny Flame in Fantastic Four.

13. Julian McMahon - Hot actor from Nip'Tuck and Charmed.

12. Christian Bale- Batman comes out next Summer... with Christian and my Jakey-Poo. Catwoman here I come.

11. Brody Hutzler - Patrick on Days of our Lives. Mmmm, I love me some of that.

10. Randy Orton - WWE Pro Wrestler. He may not be gay, but he sho' is nice to look at in his tight shorts and bulging... arms.

9. Tim McGraw - Hottest Singer alive!!! C'Mon Tim, dump Faith... she ain't all that.

8. Patrick Dempsey - Dr. McDreamy on Grey's Anatomy.

7. Josh Holloway - Lost star. I don't watch the show, but I may have to if he's on it every week. That is one yummy guy.

6. Ryan Reynolds - Super Studly Hot Guy. Alanis Morrisette should be counting her bitchy self lucky that she has him in bed every night. Not that I'm bitter or anything.

5. Jesse Metcalf - Desperate Housewives yard boy is smokin'. Gabby has a tough decision between him and Carlos. RRrhhhgggg.

4. Justin Chambers - Alex on Grey's Anatomy. He is such a prick on the show, but that makes him hotter!

3. LL Cool J - Enuff said!

2. Vin Diesel - Hunky Actor. My partner Tim thinks he should be #1, but we all know how well I listen to him. But still, Vin is one hot MoFo!

1. Jake Gyllenhall - Yes, my Jakey Poo is still number one in my heart.

Who knew there were Gay sheep?

There is a study funded by the government, naturally, who else would do it. Anyway they are trying to find a cure for homosexuality in sheep. It's no lie.... Let the poor gay sheep live their lives in private. They live in nicely manicured fields, with lots of pretty flowers growing, while gazing at some well-hung bull prance around, dreaming about "stall"ing up together. Let them be Mr. Bush, they aren't out to convert anyone. They only want to make cozy wool sweaters for us to stay warm. Damn heteros keep ruining everything!!

Say it ain't so, not on your Birthday!!!

Madonna Quits Acting. Madonna says she will no longer pursue acting because critics dismiss her films before they are even made. Her Madgesty, who won critical acclaim for her starring role in the film adaptation of the musical Evita, followed that success with parts in poorly received projects like Body of Evidence and Swept Away.

I am so disappointed. She has been a staple for my bad movie night. While you all know I love my Queen, She has really only starred in three good movies, Desperatley Seeking Susan, A League of their Own, and Evita. However, I still love Who's That Girl, Dick Tracy, and The Next Best Thing. On the other hand, Swept Away and Shanghai Suprise are AWFUL!!!

So who will take her place in bad music star movies.... Britney, Mariah, Jessica? We all remember the gems that were Crossroads, Glitter, and The Dukes of Hazard don't we? We'll have to wait and see who becomes our next B-movie star.

BTW... HAPPY BIRTHDAY MADONNA!!!!